Scottish showdown: Glasgow v Edinburgh

By Amy Cooper

Here's a brainteaser to kick off our tartan tournament: Q: What do Jimmy Barnes, John Paul Young and AC/DC's Angus Young all have in common?

A: Glasgow.

It's true. These three Aussie musical giants all hail from the same Scottish city. And this is no coincidence. Glasgow is Scotland's talent powerhouse, from which magnificent things like music, genius, ships, trains and Gerard Butler go forth and wow the world.

There's always been tension between posh Edinburgh and industrial Glasgow. While the Edinburgh gentry were sitting around nibbling shortbread, Glaswegians were driving the industrial revolution. Today, it's much the same, except Edinburgh has evolved into a sort of tartan theme park for anyone who believes all Scottish people live in castles and spend their days wearing kilts and playing the bagpipes.

Meanwhile, Glasgow is more raw, inventive and energetic than ever. If you want the real Scotland, the bravehearted one with fire in its belly, this is your city. Start on the banks of the River Clyde, where the stunning Riverside Museum is a treasure house of Glasgow's contribution to heavy industry. It's packed with more than 3000 trains, cars, trams and models of the great vessels constructed here when the Clyde was the world's centre of shipbuilding.

At Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum, with 22 galleries of 8000 objects, you can see how Glasgow's creativity influenced the world. There's a huge collection of works from Charles Rennie Mackintosh, visionary architect and father of the art nouveau Glasgow Style. And you can see how the Glasgow Boys, radical 1880s artists, defied the art establishment with their realist painting style - revolutionary for its time.

Drop into the nearby Clydeside Distillery built on the old Queen's Dock, the former exit point for Scottish single malt whiskies destined for all points of the globe, and taste a dram that's reviving the local Lowlands whisky style. You can't miss the 53-metre Stobcross Crane, another industrial icon, and at its feet you'll find Finnieston, a revived dockworkers' neighbourhood teeming with affordable and innovative gourmet fare - Indian tapas at Mother India's Cafe, seasonal share fare at Ox and Finch, and 60-plus gins paired with sustainable Scottish seafood at The Finnieston Bar.

Wander down cobbled Ashton Lane and head for Ubiquitous Chip, a Glasgow dining treasure since 1971, when it dared to champion fresh Scottish produce decades before provenance ruled the gourmet world.

Wherever you roam in Glasgow, you'll find iconoclasts, rebels and pioneers. You'll miss a royal mile of tartan tat and gift shops selling Scottie dog tea towels, but you'll get a full-blooded glimpse of pure Scottish spirit - and not just the sort made from malt.

By Mal Chenu

Amy is the go-to on all things British and I usually tugs me forelock and doffs me lid to her superior expertise on points pertaining to poms. But this week's topic has stirred my Scottish blood. My grandmother was from Edinburgh and I went to Scotch College in Perth. I've worn a kilt (and the answer to your next two questions are "no" and "scratchy"). I can tolerate bagpipes for a full 30-40 seconds longer than the average person. Even my name is Scottish ("Malcolm" means "disciple of St Columba", and as the dude who went full-Braveheart on the Loch Ness Monster, he was definitely worth a follow).

So as I sip my wee dram of Johnnie Walker scotch and my scotch fingers tap away at the keyboard, I want to channel my hoots and roots and scotch any rumours that Glasgow can compete with Auld Reekie. For a start, there's the language difference. Edinburgensian pronunciation is far easier to understand. The only preparation you need for a trip to Edinburgh is to rewatch the movie Trainspotting. When you ask for directions, you won't have to nod politely and then consult a map.

In Glasgow, if you have a glaikit coupon (uncomprehending expression on your face) because some mad wae it (drunk) Weegie (Glaswegian) bampot (idiot) is telling you to bolt ya rocket (go away) because you knocked over his swally (drink), you could well have a Rangers scarf strangling you and be kicked in the bawbag (you work it out) without knowing what's happening. And that's no pish (bollocks).

Edinburgh is the second-most visited British city after London, and is one of the prettiest in Europe. It is best experienced by shanks's pony (on foot), a phrase that originated here. Start with the bracing climb to the top of Arthur's Seat, a hill with panoramic views of the city and surrounds, then tread the Royal Mile in the Old Town between the Palace of Holyroodhouse, where Mary, Queen of Scots, used to hang, and the 900-year-old Edinburgh Castle.

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The Royal Mile is the jewel in the Edinburgh crown and features a host of fabulous museums, galleries and other attractions, such as Gladstone's Land, the Scottish Parliament, and Camera Obscura and World of Illusions, an experience it is strongly recommended you take on prior to visiting the Scotch Whisky Experience.

Edinburgh also offers far better dining than Glasgow. The shortbread is crumblier, the hog roast rolls are moister and the porridge is oatier. And the haggis? Well, the haggis is still disgusting. On the other hand, Glasgow's highest culinary achievement is the deep-fried Mars bar.

Whether it be the food, architecture, history, shopping, boutique hotels or festivals, including the amazing annual Royal Edinburgh Military Tattoo, Edinburgh is the best place to toss your caber in Scotland. Och aye.