As the Disney Corporation turns 100, our duelling experts draw their pirate swords over which park is best: the Californian OG or Florida's mega follow?
Disneyland, Anaheim, California
By Amy Cooper
The Happiest Place on Earth. You can't argue with a mission statement like that. And although for some this might mean the pub, Scandinavia or Ryan Gosling's Peloton bike saddle, for millions more it's Disneyland. The OG theme park. Walt Disney's first bricks and mortar creation, where in 1955 the almighty Mickey jumped out of the screen, took on physical form and met n' greeted onwards to omnipotence.
Disneyland, Anaheim, California, USA, is Mickey's true birthplace, and also a unique insight into the magical mind of Walt Disney himself. It's the only Disney park Walt personally designed and saw through to completion (he died five years before Florida's Walt Disney World opened in 1971). Whether you're an ear-wearing purist on first-name terms with all seven dwarves or just fascinated by popular culture artefacts, that's reason enough for a pilgrimage. From the light that still burns nightly in his apartment to the bench where he first imagined a theme park, Walt's force is strong in Disneyland.
I know that Mal-eficent across the page will be boggling you with Disney World's awesome scale, and indeed, at about 11,000 hectares, the Orlando mouse-tropolis could swallow the 200-hectare Disneyland 55 times over. But as Mickey himself proves, size isn't everything. It's a small world, after all.
Disneyland can be absorbed in a couple of days without spiralling your family into a systems meltdown of overstimulation. And what it lacks in scale, it more than compensates for in charm. Remember, that's what the empire was built on: big hearts in little packages. Bambi, Dumbo, Olaf, Baby Yoda.
Disneyland can be absorbed in a couple of days without spiralling your family into a systems meltdown of overstimulation.
You can see the first and best iterations of Pirates of the Caribbean, Jungle Cruise and Haunted Mansion, plus gems found in no other Disney parks, like Matterhorn Bobsleds, the world's first tubular steel coaster, Mr Toad's Wild Ride, Cars Land, with the brilliant Radiator Springs Racers and the Avengers Campus, a high-tech highlight packed with Marvel action heros.
Disneyland's extra magic kingdom is its neighbourhood: Los Angeles, glittering with galleries, museums and shops, the big four movie studio tours and 40 kilometres of golden Pacific shoreline. In landlocked Orlando your choices beyond Disney are far more limited: visit another theme park, or attend a convention. And LA is only 13 hours direct from Australia's east coast, compared to a cumbersome 20 hours to Orlando.
This year the Disney Corporation turns 100, and Disneyland leads the mega-celebrations with spectacular thrills and parades you'll only find here at Mickey's mothership. The mouse might be omnipresent, but he's a California kid at heart.
Mirror, mirror on the wall, this is the happiest place of all.
Disney World, Orlando, Florida
By Mal Chenu
If you have the means, giving your children a dose of Disney will be a life highlight. A trip to either Disneyland in Anaheim, California, or to Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida, will leave a song in your heart and a hole in your wallet. Whichever Main Street you choose to take, be aware they are both well-travelled. You should avoid US school holidays unless you enjoy queues to infinity and beyond, and watching children with more spots than 101 dalmatians wolfing down heaped piles of chocolate waffles for breakfast.
So which "happiest places on earth" should you choose? Which Mouse should you click? If you want to be more Cheshire Cat than Eeyore in your holiday snaps, you need to choose... wisely. When you strip it down to the bare necessities and contrast the two, the Orlando version stands out like ears on a Dumbo. Comparing Disney World to Disneyland is like comparing Beauty to the Beast, Lady to the Tramp, Happy to Dopey.
Size matters by Jiminy, as any cricket fan will tell you, and Disney World is not a small world, after all.
It's about 110 square kilometres of fun adventures, thrill rides and sugar fixes. You can fit 55 Disneylands inside Disney World. It is the king of the castles, too. Cinderella Castle in Disney World is a princess-worthy 58 metres tall, while the Sleeping Beauty Castle in Disneyland stands at a somnolent 23 metres.
Disney World hosts four main parks: Magic Kingdom, EPCOT (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow), Disney's Hollywood Studios, and Disney's Animal Kingdom, as well as Disney Springs, ESPN Wide World of Sports Complex, several golf courses, two miniature golf courses, and the Typhoon Lagoon and Blizzard Beach water parks.
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Disney World also boasts an excellent complimentary transport system, which includes buses, a ferry, gondolas and a monorail to whisk you between the theme parks and hotels as if you were riding a magic carpet.
At the end of each day, you're going to be exhausted and feel like you've been wearing uncomfortable glass slippers, so choosing castle-esque accommodation is as important as having a beneficent fairy godmother. And while Disneyland has three resort hotel properties, Disney World has about three dozen.
If you want a wholly hakuna matata holiday, stay at Disney's Grand Floridian Resort and Spa, where you can put your feet up and sip an evening cocktail at the Enchanted Rose while you watch the fireworks explode over Cinderella Castle. To double down on your Disney diversion, head to Port Canaveral just down the road and take a Disney cruise ship to Castaway Island in the Bahamas.
When you wish upon a credit card, choose Disney World and live happily ever after.