If your idea of life at sea is akin to hell afloat, we're out to change your mind. Here's how to pick the floating excursion that's right for you.
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It's fair to say I was, until recently, cruise averse. The idea of strict itineraries and being stuck on board for days on end, for someone who likes to wake up and see what the day brings, just didn't appeal. Then there are all the other situations sure to strike fear into the hearts of independent travellers. Fellow passengers with whom you have little - nay, nothing - in common. Endless buffets of lacklustre fare. Kids running rampant down hallways, putting their germy fingers over every surface, squealing in the pool. To quote Colonel Walter E Kurtz, "The horror, the horror."
So, when I found myself on a Virgin Voyages cruise of the Mediterranean last year, no one was as surprised as me when I tried to barricade myself in my cabin at the end of the week, hoping no one would notice when I was still aboard for the following sailing. During the week, I visited places I would never have chosen and did things - hello, Calvin Harris at Ibiza super-club Ushuaia - that have never been on any kind of personal bucket list.
Now a cruise convert, I've discovered there are as many options at sea as there are travel personalities. But misconceptions and myths about cruising abound - and we're busting them here, one at a time.
'They're floating retirement villages'
Fact: Cruising has always appealed to older generations. Also fact: That is changing, says Anne Rogers, who owned a cruise-focused travel agency for 33 years and is now a consultant. "A lot of the cruise lines now have an average age of adult passengers in the low 50s," she says. Family groups are attracted by the ease and value offered by the likes of P&O Cruises, which sails from most Australian capitals. Other companies, such as Norwegian Cruise Line, are making a play for even younger clientele. Seven of its vessels have studios for singles to appeal to groups of friends who don't want to share a room. "Interestingly, more than 70 per cent of millennials and gen Xers say they are keen to have a cruise holiday," says Jean Summers-Reeves, director of product and marketing at Clean Cruising. "This is a significant change, even from five years ago."
'Too much forced fun'
Not everyone is going to be happy joining games nights or sitting with strangers at dinner. "Small-to-medium-sized ships tend to be a bit more peaceful, as they don't have large theatres to fill with entertainment and activities," says Summers-Reeves. "Saying that though, many large ships still cater for all guests, with quiet or adult-only zones for those wishing for some downtime." River cruises are great for more reserved travellers, but there are other options, too. Coral Expeditions voyages around Australia and to destinations like Papua New Guinea, New Zealand, Komodo, Borneo and Japan have a low-key vibe, where nightly activities include lectures, documentaries and movies.
'Won't I get sick?'
"People talk about floating petri dishes, but that's offensive to people who find cruising an enjoyable way to have a holiday," says Rogers. "Plus, it's untrue. The level of sanitation and cleanliness on a ship is never replicated on land. Never." Norovirus, a contagious acute gastrointestinal illness, is a passenger's worst nightmare, but the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates only about 1 per cent of all norovirus cases in the US happen on cruise ships.
If you're more worried about the motion of the ocean, choose a cruise unlikely to enter rough seas. High on our list of gentle voyages are Ponant's Ancient Jewels of the Mediterranean sailing from Athens through the Greek Islands and to Malta, and a Lower Mississippi River itinerary aboard a paddlewheeler with American Queen Voyages.
'They're floating RSLs'
Buffets? Cabarets? Blinging poker machines? No way! Instead, land yourself a berth on one of the more luxurious options. Viking Ocean Cruises has no casinos, and everything else - staterooms with balconies, fine-dining, Nordic-inspired spas, lounges with book collections - is elegance plus.
'I like to see land'
For self-proclaimed landlubbers, cruising is still viable, with river and coastal options the way to go. Wendy Wu Tour's Classic Mekong cruise is an all-inclusive affair travelling the delta from Vietnam to Cambodia, visiting parts of the region to which similar cruises don't have access. Closer to home, and the remote coastline of northern Australia, are True North's Kimberley Adventures. The small size of the ship allows it to navigate into shallow rivers so guests can get closer to the incredible landscapes and imposing waterfalls.
'There are too many kids'
If your idea of hell is toddlers in the pool or hearing Paw Patrol on an iPad at the next table, go adults-only. Virgin Voyages and Viking Cruises have banished under-18s on their ships, but there are other opportunities to indulge in mature conversation. It's all about choosing ships that simply aren't family-friendly, and that often means smaller vessels, like those that travel along rivers. Combine water with jungle on Uniworld's Aria Amazon, which winds its way along the famous river in Peru. Its 16 suites have floor-to-ceiling windows for a fully immersive experience. The only howls you'll likely hear are those from the howler monkeys encountered on excursions.
'My teenagers would hate it'
If you never want to hear the words "I'm bored" on holiday again, choose a cruise where older kids can explore their independence under the watchful eye of someone who's not you. Carnival has teen programs offering supervised games, karaoke, sport, movies and more. For true adventurers, book a Lindblad Expeditions itinerary. "Our National Geographic Global Explorers program, offered on many of our top expeditions including Alaska, was designed to give kids the opportunity to explore the natural world like a scientist," says Noah Brodsky, the company's chief commercial officer. "Activities include earning a Zodiac 'driver's license' and recording epic wildlife sightings."
'I can't stand buffets for days'
Waiting with hungry punters queuing for their chance at unlimited crab legs is far from the only onboard option these days. Most ships will have some sort of buffet, but except for the smallest vessels, most will also have a swag of restaurant options, from classy to casual. "Some cruise lines are absolutely renowned for their food," says Rogers. "The one I would highlight is Oceania, which has seven dining venues, and they're outstanding. They have an excellent buffet as well, and you can get a pizza, a sandwich or a hotdog whenever you like. Honestly, it's like the best resort." Another line setting the bar high is Regent Seven Seas Cruises, which extends its excellent selection of restaurants to the shore. Join its Epicurean Explorations to visit historical markets, sample famed wines, see traditional cooking methods and taste local specialties.
'They're not sustainable'
More people are becoming conscious of their travel footprint and cruise lines aren't always clean and green. Like all industries, there is a certain amount of greenwashing and it's worth doing some research (through your cruise agent and online). Some companies, like Hurtigruten, have been changing the way it operates for more than a decade. Ponant is another company making big advances in ship technology, while Star Clippers restores tall ships powered exclusively by the wind.
'It seems so expensive'
"Cruising is, in fact, one of the most cost-effective ways to travel," says Summers. "Local cruises frequently start from less than $100 per person per day and this includes your cabin, main dining and entertainment." Of course, you'll be getting your wallet out for drinks, shore excursions and specialty dining, so you need some restraint. Some of the more expensive options are also comparable to a holiday on land when you take inclusions into consideration. If you're looking for a Mediterranean bargain next year, MSC cruises start at $1309 a person for seven days in an inside cabin during April. Even traditionally expensive destinations can be done on a smaller budget. Always wanted to follow in Darwin's footsteps? Intrepid Travel offers the Best of Galapagos, a 10-day, no-frills cruise around these remote islands for $4055 a person.
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'I prefer independent travel'
Yeah, yeah, we know. You're a free spirit who likes to do your own thing. There are, however, parts of the world best explored by sea. "Iceland is a perfect example," says Rogers. "There is only one road and it doesn't go right around the island. But you can cruise right around it and go into ports that are otherwise inaccessible." Aurora Expeditions has a circumnavigation of Iceland. Rogers also lists Norway and Japan's Seto Inland Sea as tricky to see on a traditional tour. Then there's another part of the world only accessible by ship: Antarctica. Many companies go there, but Quark Expeditions has a range of itineraries, including one where you can take a charter flight to avoid the Drake Passage.
'Those cabins are cramped'
Sure, go in at the bottom end and the cabin may not be spacious, but it's all about how much time you'll spend in there and the difference in price to upgrade to something larger. Saving cash? P&O Cruises' inside deluxe rooms on Pacific Explorer and Pacific Aria are up to 20 square metres - the average size for the lowest category of room on most ships is 13 square metres. "But then you go on something like Viking and pay more for a bigger cabin and you'll have more storage than you've got in your house," says Rogers. Our advice: watch for sales and upgrade.
'I need more activity'
Most ships, especially larger ones, have gyms on board. Some have classes. Virgin Voyages' ships even have a boxing ring. If you're a fitness fanatic looking for an extra edge, though, there's certainly a move by some companies to add wellbeing to their itineraries. UnCruise Adventures even has a winter sports cruise to Alaska that includes skiing and snowshoeing. In Tasmania, go hiking, spend time journaling, take breathing classes and test yourself with cold-water submersion during Onboard Expeditions' Port Davey Wild Wellness Expedition.
'Cruise entertainment seems basic'
If variety shows and cheesy games make you want to reach for the (sea)sick bag, you need a cruise line that takes evening activities seriously. With J Lo as the chief celebrations officer, you're in for a good time on Virgin Voyages. Famous for its Scarlet Night, you can also see shows featuring acrobatics, dance, music, comedy and sex. Never Sleep Alone is its participation-optional sex and relationships advice night. "Our intention was to create experiences that could change your view of the world and foster connections through fun experiences that ignite the spirit within," says Richard Kilman, Virgin Voyages' vice president of entertainment. If you want blockbusters, Royal Caribbean has Tony Award-winning Broadway musicals, ice skating, dive shows, a music hall and karaoke lounges.
'I can't avoid other guests'
"It doesn't matter how big the ship is, you can always find a space where there is nobody else," says Rogers. "There are all these little nooks and crannies where you can sit for hours and read a book and not see another person." But if you still have reservations, simply pick a cruise with fewer passengers. Aqua Expeditions' yacht Aqua Blu, which sails Raja Ampat, the Spice Islands and other parts of Indonesia, has just 15 suites. Those really adverse to strangers can gather family and/or friends for a crewed charter in the Whitsundays.