Have your camera ready as you behold this natural marvel - and watch out for dolphins.
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The land of the long white cloud has rebranded itself the land of the soggy grey blanket as Noordam steams into Milford Sound/Piopiotahi just before dawn.
Constant rain and low-hanging mists accentuate the primal panorama, endowing the steep mountains and snaking snow-white waterfalls with enhanced ethereal beauty.
At just five knots, the Holland America ship silently wades 15 kilometres into the Sound (technically a fiord), and we witness the waterfalls from a distance and then up-close. The difference is stark. From afar, thin white lines trace down a deep-green canvas, but as we close in - sometimes to within just 50-metres or so - the violence of gravity is obvious as water bursts from the undergrowth and gushes down sheer rock faces into the sea.
Cameras - and some passengers trot out some serious gear - work overtime but, like any natural marvel, such as the Grand Canyon, Uluru at dawn or children at play, will not fully capture the moment, or the feeling. You have to be here.
Streams have been tumbling down these mountains un-Instagramed for millennia. And against the silence, you feel the heft of time. Pods of dolphins loll past as if to remind us of the present, and the cameras swing around together like a choreographed horn section.
The run into Fiordland National Park, on the south-western coast of the South Island is the highlight of this cruise from Sydney to Auckland. At appropriate moments, the cruise director pipes up with facts and figures, informing us of the geological aeons and the Maori centuries.
There is no docking at a port-of-call here. Indeed, in recent years, quite a few ships have been refused entry altogether, due to what has been dubbed "dirty hull syndrome". New Zealand introduced "biofouling standards" in 2018 to protect the pristine Fiordland region from some of the threats ships can introduce in the form of hitchhiking nasties, such as unwelcome mussels, oysters, algae, sponges, crabs and starfish attached to the underside of vessels.
Nevertheless, some passengers do leave the ship for a wider adventure. A shore excursion loads a fortunate few onto tenders and they head off for a wider, overnight exploration of the area. This includes a cruise across Lake Wakatipu, a barbecue at Walter Peak Sheep Station, a night in a luxury hotel in Queenstown, and trips to Arrowtown and Kawarau Gorge (bungy jump optional), before they rejoin the ship in Dunedin. Limited to around 40 people, this shore excursion sells out months in advance despite its $1900 price tag.
Other stops on this itinerary include Melbourne, Burnie, Dunedin, Tauranga, Picton, Wellington and Auckland, and a range of shore excursions are offered at each.
As the ship departs Milford Sound and makes its way back out to sea, cameras are stowed, dry clothes retrieved, and cruisers' fancies lightly turn to thoughts of breakfast.
Dining is a highlight on Noordam and most meals are included in the fare. The flagship dining room and casual Lido Market serve up varied meals every day. Dive-In, the takeaway burger bar by the pool, knocks out a range of hamburgers, hot dogs and fries topped with their signature eponymous sauce, and/or "melty cheese sauce". (This is, after all, an American ship).
Grilled chicken breast, apple-wood smoked bacon and portobello mushroom stack options mean you never get burger-bored, while the 'dogs come in the form of the Coney Island icon Nathan's Famous beef frank variety (or plant-based alternative).
Specialty fine-dining options (at an extra cost of around $30) include the Pinnacle Grill steakhouse (try the 36oz Tomahawk ribeye on for size) and the excellent Canaletto, an Italian-themed share-plate construct. While the menu and specials change daily at Canaletto, my evening meal consists of tomato soup with seafood, grilled lamb chops, scaloppine alla caprese, veal liver Veneziana and an affogato to finish (me off). Cinque stelle!
Thanks so much for that applause but I haven't even done anything yet. I feel like a millennial.
Between ports-of-call, fabulous meals and relaxing with coffee or cocktails in the Crows Nest Bar up on deck 10 with its 180-degree views off the bow - or in Explorations Cafe deck 3 where colouring-in for adults and other arty activities take place - Greenhouse Spa & Salon is a must on a sea day.
Beyond the treatments, which all get rave reviews from my fellow passengers, you can peace out in the sauna, steam rooms and hydrotherapy pool. Apparently there's a gym too.
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Noordam makes a song and dance about entertainment. A twirling troupe puts on a boisterous display of Latin dancing, a duo of pianists channel their best Elton, Billy and Adele, and a comedian starts his set by appealing to the older audience demographic: "Thanks so much for that applause but I haven't even done anything yet. I feel like a millennial."
Later in the evening a first-rate band rocks into the wee small hours in the Rolling Stone Lounge, belting out an eclectic playlist, alternately raising the roof with Peter Gabriel's Sledgehammer and, in another demographically astute pivot, following up with Hall and Oates.
SNAPSHOT
THE SHIP: Holland America Line's Noordam
THE SIZE: 986 cabins; 1972 guests; 282 metres long
GOOD TO KNOW: Popular shore excursions and spa treatments sell out quickly and are best booked before sailing.
GET ONBOARD: Noordam operates 10-, 12-, 14- and 16-day itineraries in Australia and New Zealand (ex-Sydney and ex-Auckland) between November and February each year.
EXPLORE MORE: hollandamerica.com
The writer was a guest of Holland America Line.
