Forget the stuffy museums and long walks and set a cracking pace on a London trip that's perfect for teens.
My dream trip to London involves autumnal walks in quaint neighbourhoods and all-day museums. But that's not happening on this visit. Because I'm travelling with my plugged-in teenage boy, and that requires a different itinerary; think Horrible Histories-style medieval gore and carby pub grub.
The question is, will our divergent interests be reconciled across these four action-packed days of mother-son bonding? I love London's history, and not just the bits where people get their heads chopped off. I want to feel totally immersed in its layers dating back to Roman times, and feel the energy which has made it such an extraordinary shapeshifting place. The teen just doesn't want to be bored.
The trick to nailing this trip will be research, compromise and all-you-can-eat doughnuts.
First step was to whittle down the list of attractions. The Shard, London's tallest building and one of the assertive, modernist structures dominating the cityscape; was a must for the thrill of being able to press a nose against a glass window 243 metres high. The Tower was non-negotiable for me as a history buff. The London Bridge Experience, an underground scare maze, promised schlock horror for the teen. Lastly, to get a true feel of the city we needed to circulate, and that would be satisfied by a Hop on Hop Off Bus Tour as well as a Bicycle Tour of classic landmarks. I was hoping to save money by buying the London Pass which is pricey (114 pounds or $220 for adults, 64 pounds for kids for two days) but includes all of these attractions. We were also devoting a whole day to the Warner Bros Studio Tour: the Making of Harry Potter.
The itinerary sorted, I booked accommodation at the Ibis Styles London Southwark, near Borough Market, as it's reasonably priced, central and, crucially for the teen, had doughnuts on the breakfast buffet.
We were all set. I'd booked the bicycle tour on our first morning to get a feel of the city. I'd done a similar tour in Paris and it was a great way of seeing the sights without pounding the pavement or navigating the Tube. You can choose a regular or e-bike, and our guide took us past the big-ticket items of the Houses of Parliament and Westminster Abbey, Trafalgar Square, St James Park and Buckingham Palace, and St Paul's. The teen liked seeing the city's landmarks at a cracking pace while I was thrilled by the lesser-known gems such as Lincoln's Inn Fields with its splendid 17th-century houses and Smithfield Market which dates back to medieval times.
Lunch with a teen is easy in London - find a pub, order a burger and chips, done. A warning though, some pub meals are better than others. Many have been taken over by franchise caterers and I found my pie and mash pretty underwhelming. No complaints from the teen though.
That evening we walked to the Shard in an easy 15 minutes, and took the elevator to Level 68. When I wasn't feeling dizzy from vertigo, I marvelled at the sight of the Thames snaking through the city, the dome of St Paul's and landmarks such as Tower Bridge.
The next stop was the Tower, and an animated tour by one of the Yeoman Warders brought to life its sinister history. It's truly the pages of a Horrible Histories book (the Terrible Tudors to be precise) come to life. A genuinely poignant moment for me was imagining Lady Jane Grey, aged 17, looking out the window of one of the terraced houses on Tower Green waiting for her execution day. The crowds of tourists in high summer didn't quite diminish the undertones of terror to the place, especially the ominous Traitors' Gate, the river entrance through which most prisoners passed, never to come out again.
It would have been nice to see the Crown Jewels but the queue was long and we gave it a miss - when teens need to eat, there's no waiting. Given our hotel was a short walk from the historic Borough Market at Southwark, it became a convenient meal stop. Be warned - the markets are gentrified with prices to match, and much of the fare is international rather than typically British. But we found fluffy English muffins, local raspberries in season and possibly the best fish and chips in the world. The teen is a big fan of the latter, and the deep fried cod at fish! (about $30 for a takeaway) was golden and crispy, with optional mushy peas; or you can even order a chip butty.
The London Bridge Experience started off as a bit of touristy fun (with tour staff in period costume talking gleefully about lopping off heads of traitors) and degenerated into a horror pastiche of scary clowns, flashing lights and chainsaws. I was mildly traumatised, and needed to recover with an overpriced ice cream from the van outside. Not a win for me but the teen loved it.
The next day promised a more wholesome experience with plans to test our cycling legs again at Hyde Park.
With the teen filled up on breakfast doughnuts, we took the Hop On Hop Off bus, a slow-moving but relaxing ride past iconic landmarks such as Piccadilly Circus, and the beautiful neighbourhood of Kensington. We disembarked at Hyde Park and quickly found a docking station for the city's bicycle rental scheme, Santander Cycles. It was as easy as swiping a credit card and unlocking the bikes and off we went to explore the vast 140 hectares of pathways, lakes and monuments such as Kensington Palace.
It was edging to 30 degrees, and locals were out reveling in the sunshine. It was a great way to see the park, but afterwards we were glad to come back and collapse in our air-conditioned hotel room and watch UK Gogglebox repeats.
The last day was the Warner Bros Studio Tour: the Making of Harry Potter, at Leavesden, a hour-long bus ride north of Central London. As every parent knows, kids change awfully quickly. Whereas this teen was a huge Harry Potter fan only a year ago, his interest had now suddenly waned. So I wondered if this was an expensive mistake on our itinerary. As it turned out, it wasn't, only because I loved it. I spent the day pointing to displays, squealing: "Oh look, it's the actual wigs worn by the Weasley Brothers! Hermoine's dress from the Yule Ball! OMG the Gryffindor common room!". The teen enjoyed seeing the familiar props, and slurping on a sickly sweet "butterbeer", but there's no doubt it was unexpectedly a bigger win for me.
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For the last morning, the teen declared he was staying in and watching a movie, which meant I could roam free. I took a walk past historical sights such as the monument to the Great Fire of London 1666, Leadenhall Market and the medieval St Helen's Bishopsgate church.
The verdict was that the trip was a success. London was easy to get around, and it had enough big-city thrills, history, iconic landmarks, plus the bonus of Harry Potter to make it a win for both of us. I was busy congratulating myself on my planning skills as we waited to board our flight at Gatwick Airport until I realised I'd left our passports locked back in the hotel safe. "Mummm...".
The writer travelled at her own expense.
Pictures: Getty Images; Unsplash
