A self-portrait of an alien? A valley of whale fossils? The wonders are mind-boggling in both these bone-dry beauties, so which one to visit first? Our duelling experts help you decide.
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ATACAMA DESERT
By Amy Cooper
If I describe a desert that's bone dry yet by the seaside, looks like both the moon and Mars, has red, blue and green lagoons, pink birds, giant alien rock drawings, plants flourishing where rain has never fallen and a psychedelic rainbow flower carpet, you'd assume I'd been on the Pisco. But this is Chile's bewitchingly weird Atacama Desert, where Star Wars meets The X Files, outer space meets planet Earth, and standard desert rules do not apply. It's arid. Drier than a sauvignon blanc, a dead dingo's donger, or even the wit of my fellow columnist across the page.
![Birdlife in the Atacama. Birdlife in the Atacama.](/images/transform/v1/crop/frm/130854433/dbbeca31-9177-406f-b031-93bc73e1cc48.jpg/r0_185_3623_2230_w1200_h678_fmax.jpg)
And yet the Atacama stretches about 1000 kilometres along northern Chile's coastline, just a llama's spit from the Pacific Ocean. Thanks to a curious convergence of altitude, winds, currents and the shielding effect of the Andes to the east, it's the world's driest non-polar desert. Its annual rainfall can be counted in drops. Scientists believe that in some parts, it didn't rain at all between 1570 and 1971. That's a long time between drinks, but plants somehow thrive - and one of the Atacama's most enchanting anomalies is the Desert Flowering, carpeting the ground with purple, yellow and pink blooms only when spring brings a rare sprinkle.
Although almost 100 times smaller than the Sahara, the Atacama has serious star power. This is the world's stargazing capital, with the world's most powerful telescopes pointing up into the cloudless, pollution-free cosmos. Even with the naked eye, you'll see entire galaxies. Close up, the surroundings are just as extra-terrestrial. Hiking across Valle de la Luna (Moon Valley) is a star trek on an ethereal lunar landscape of rocks, dunes and canyons surrounded by a pink-streaked mountain range.
You can experience life on Mars in orange, craggy swathes that double for the red planet in NASA's research. Sandboarding down the ochre slopes of Mars Valley, overlooked by the towering 6893-metre edifice of Ojos del Salado, the world's highest active volcano, is the best fun you'll have in any solar system. Go zero-gravity by floating in one of the high-altitude emerald and turquoise saltwater Hidden Lagoons of Baltinache, see flamingos on Chile's largest salt flats and ponder the ruby depths of Laguna Roja, a 50-degree, blood-hued lake.
Guests should note that screaming "No prisoners!" during these excursions is considered impolite.
Mind not boggled yet? The Atacama's Chinchorro mummies in Arica's Archaeological Museum of San Miguel de Azapa, are the world's oldest, predating the earliest Egyptian mummies by 7000 years. And the Atacama Giant, a 119-metre-tall prehistoric rock drawing of a human-ish figure with rays emanating from its head, is thought by some to be an alien self-portrait.
In the Atacama, a glorious space oddity where you can fly to the moon and play among the stars, anything seems possible. It's a desert, Jim, but not as we know it.
SAHARA DESERT
By Mal Chenu
Deserts are so hot right now, and if you are planning to experience otherworldly desiccation, you may as well go all-in and head to the ultimate "long time, no sea", the mighty Sahara. Putting dry humour to one side, if you want to curl your toes in Saharan sand, you can set out from - and take in the unique sights and rich cultures of - several countries, including Morocco, Tunisia, Egypt, Jordan and more. Tackle the comparatively scrawny and quiescent Atacama and you're restricted to Chile.
![Camels in the Sahara. Camels in the Sahara.](/images/transform/v1/crop/frm/130854433/af110aea-c3ff-469a-91dd-76ece279be69.jpg/r0_0_2121_1414_w1200_h678_fmax.jpg)
Fun fact: Did you know there's enough sand in the Sahara to cover all of northern Africa?
Sculpted by the wind, the etched ripples of the Sahara's unceasing dunes are at their most alluring at dusk when crepuscular light paints shifting shadows on the landscape. Rather than going through the desert on a horse with no name, tours of this ethereal event are conducted from atop a camel, where you can channel your inner Lawrence of Arabia. (Guests should note that screaming "No prisoners!" during these excursions is considered impolite).
Visiting the hamadas (rocky bits) and the ergs (sandy bits) of the western Sahara is generally undertaken from Morocco, while eastern Sahara adventures often begin in Egypt. From Morocco, you'll depart from Marrakech or Fes and head to the town of Merzouga on the edge of the desert.
Cultural encounters may feature a catch-up with nomadic Berber people who, when they're not making carpet, migrate between the plains and oases. You'll learn about their ancient lore and traditions, and experience their legendary hospitality over a cup of the mintiest of mint teas.
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From the Egyptian side, you can explore the naturally chiselled chalk and limestone boulders of the White Desert, the ancient oracle temples, fortresses, natural springs and verdant gardens of Siwa Oasis, and Wadi Al Hitan, aka the Valley of Whales, where the skeletons of sea creatures lie in state in the middle of the desert. East or west, your tour will take you on a thrilling and memorably bumpy 4WD outing to valleys, gorges, palm groves and rocky outcrops, and climb a few enormous dunes to boot. And there's every chance you'll also see desert critters, including birds, mammals, reptiles, scorpions and spiders.
You'll spend midnight at the oasis, camping among the dunes and taking in the broad majesty of the Milky Way, without the interference of light pollution or Wi-Fi, before rising early to behold the dawn's interpretation of the vivid sandy scenery.
So, how're you dune? From either end, the vibrant, surprising Sahara offers a milieu of sightseeing opportunities and cultural immersions, while the best the Atacama can manage is windswept salt flats populated by uppity llamas with pretentious names.
Pictures: Unsplash; Getty Images